August 30, 2005
he didn't call...
Oh dear Lord...may I preface this entry with the fact that I have been doing tequila shots with L since oh, about 11pm. Just for the record its about 2:15am at this point and I think we're pretty well discovering that we don't do well together with the tequila. We have a great appreciaitain for it, don't get me wrong...(we also do indeed know how to spell it but I seriously can't make my fingers move)...
So in all reality I've been drinking since about 11pm or so, b/c L and I started our night with tequila. And yes, for me at least it was that kind of night. Marine boy didn't call. I would like to say that I'm all like 'oh, if he calls then thats great, but if not then whatever'. Except that I dont' feel like that with this kid. I wish I could change it...but I feel like if he looked at me and said he didn't want me or didn't want anything really that it would completely suck any form of oxygen I've ever experiened right from my lungs. I know it is incredibly and stupendiously horrific, but I don't even know what I'm going to do with myself if he doesn't talk to me. How hideous does this sound? Really pathetic if you ask me.
And scene...I hate myself so much right now that I have to go to sleep. G - I will email you my password and my imageshack password as well so maybe you can fix my diary. then i figure that if i continue to keep writing regularely and shit that maybe one day i'll be ok with paying for it.
And, not that it matters, but today would have been such a great day to have G and K around, b/c I was being such a ridiculous freak and i trust them to tell me so and how to stop being so...hopefully i'll talk to them again soon!!! They're the best, trust me!!!!
dcdemocrat at 2:15 am
